Castles, Skies and Curly Fries

As today is officially my last day of mooching around the house on a working day before Medical School restarts again, I have decided to put it to absolutely horrible use.

Firstly, Ben & I went to view a potential place to rent for when we get married in August, then I went to Tesco because they had (wisely) given me some clubcard vouchers that I wanted to use because I clearly have not yet grasped the concept that they're making me buy things I don't need. Never mind- I'm sure the family will vastly enjoy the bottles of Sprite (B.O.G.O.F!) that allowed me to get 25 points, and the vouchers gave me the incentive to act on a thought I'd had yesterday about the wonders of curly fries. MMmmm... curly fries. Admittedly, not the most healthy thing in the world but I managed to make myself feel good about buying them by loading Ben's plate up significantly higher than mine. He didn't seem to mind.



My trip to the supermarket also convinced me to buy a magazine. Glamour was selected as there was a give-away of a disappointingly small Benefit product with it.


Plus it's my favourite trashy magazine. Yes, I have a favourite.

 Glamour has the right mix of horror stories (in this edition ranging from the Norwegian massacre last year to the 'best worst dates'), empowering and ridiculous advice for working women, pictures of beautiful things I can't afford or would never wear, celebrity interviews, calorie counts that make you feel guilty about those curly fries and information about films I'll never see and books I'll never read. I can escape in it because it actually bears no relevance to my life. It's like a window through which I look at the way other people might live. It's not something I long for in a "Lot's wife" kind of way- it amuses me. I don't expect to read anything that particularly moves me or changes my life and that does make it a ridiculous waste of time. It's a guilty pleasure.

Occasionally, there's something that while I can't argue as "worth reading", is a little less mindless than normal. I really enjoyed this quote:

"Castles in the air are great, but your job is to put foundations under them" - 

Louise Mensch (Glamour July 2012) 

While clearly stolen from the quote below, it certainly has it's merits. 

Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air. They are where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. - Henry David Thoreau

We all have things that we're aiming for and that we want to achieve. Some seem far out of reach and some are just a short stretch away. There's so much that I'm aiming to do right now, so much that I'm aiming to be. We can all say that. It's about becoming. That's what life is about. So that the stretch to touch the sky isn't so difficult. 

Invitations are nearly done for the wedding. The bridesmaid dresses arrived yesterday. And I got my recommend that allows me to go into the temple, both for our marriage and to go and experience the things that are there before that. I'm nervous and excited... but mostly nervous. I'm a bit (read: a lot) of a control-freak. I like to know everything all at once. I like to be able to ask questions but not seem ignorant. I'm kind of afraid of appearing ignorant, actually, in some settings. At Medical School my ignorance is pretty much a given so I don't worry about appearing that way there. Most of the consultants who scoff at my stupidity won't remember my face or name five minutes later, anyway. But I am concerned about people thinking well of me if they're part of my life. Where I'm afraid of failure, I don't want an audience. That's where the nerves come into it. 

I want to be able to try to build my foundation under that castle independently; not that I want to do it with my own strength, but just that I want to have the courage to try new things and even to fail sometimes without too many eyes noticing my flaws. My own biggest critic- I am probably a harsher judge than anyone else and therein lies my trouble. Sometimes I just need to realise that other people don't notice the many daft things that I do or don't place any emphasis on them in their minds even if they do. Perhaps that can help me to get over the flaw in my logic because I really do know that there are no blocks for us to build with; no raw materials at all without the people around us. We are not independent. Our achievements and progress have everything to do with the people around us- and I am grateful for the support that I have. I'm grateful for those who have taken a kind of ownership of my life thus far and are constantly there to nudge me to use a spirit-level or make the foundations deeper so that I can build up to greatness. 

I'm starting a new climb or so it seems and there is nothing more incredible than having friends and family reaching out hands or offering encouragement. 

I'll get through being nervous because of them. If not, I'll just stock up on the fabulous brownie my mother made yesterday because if courage doesn't work, sugar will do! 

 "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."

Winston Churchill