Aitch Notes: Tiny Steps and Giant Leaps

Most of the time any progress and change I see going on in my life is usually incremental. Recently that has not been the case at all. My tiny steps have led me to a place where I've been required to make tremendous leaps and I have done so with fear and trepidation. I'm a cautious individual- the kind of person who always anticipates a disaster. In my mind, the worst thing possible will always happen if you don't guard against it...

...As you can imagine, change is not an easy thing for me.

But it's not so much the "what" of the change that makes it easier- it's the "why".
The change of getting married is a difficult "what"... but the "why" is that I've never been happier.

Recently I was able to go to the Preston Temple and make covenants with my Heavenly Father. It was a huge step and a huge change- beforehand, I did a lot of puzzling over the "why". As a committed member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I felt that I'd already decided to devote my life to doing all that I could to act as the Saviour would act. I didn't really understand the "why" of going to the temple. Having now been I won't say that I completely understand the answers to every question. I won't say I have a full appreciation of the "why"- but I know it was the right course. It was a giant leap for me but a beautiful one and something that I am excited about.

A few days after that, Ben & I managed to sort out where we will be living after we get married. Ben is moving into the place at the end of this week and I will join him there after our marriage. When I think of that massive change... moving out of my parents' (admittedly, we're staying in the same city!), making a home together... of course there's some nerves. I'm a pretty unpractised cook and Ben is no better. I'm worried that I won't be the person that I want to be to create the home I want to have. There are some incredible women in the world who have so many skills and I just simply am not one of them.

One of the things I am not worried about is living up to Ben's expectations... that sounds like I don't care what he thinks, so let me just clarify: he has never made me feel under pressure like that. I don't think he ever will. It's one of the things that makes things so much easier; knowing that there's love and acceptance readily available no matter how many domestic disasters I create. That's going to ease me through the change. One day I'll change from being a total incompetent to being superwoman (I'm hoping!) and the thing that's lovely is, Ben will be able to treat me then exactly as he does now.

Change is coming and it's not always welcome but with hands to hold (I cannot begin to list the people who are helping us right now, but we can easily start with our wonderful parents), encouraging smiles and the giving and receipt of service, I know it'll be ok. We've got a Heavenly Father who is not merely watching what we do but is ensuring that our prayers are answers, barriers are removed and all that we need is given to us.

It's easy to feel blessed right now in these happy, happy days- I'm going to enjoy it!

Warning: Photos below may contain kissing!!!!!!!!!!!!!