After a conversation I had last night with a friend and on reflecting on my own experiences with the affairs of the heart I put together this list of stages that occur in and around a break up. Not all of these are common to every kind of break up- in amicable break ups a few may be missed- but here is the general pattern:
- Denial: During this stage you picture him turning up at your door with flowers and a promise to change whatever it is about him that made the relationship end.
- Anger: You hate him with the loathing of a thousand suns and if you saw him you would probably need to pass by at a great distance for lady-like behaviour to be maintained. Mainly you are angry that he didn't turn up at your door with those promises to change- but you know he would have broken them. You pity every girl who ever comes into contact with him.
- Nostalgia: You begin to remember that there were actually some good times with that person and he might actually not be the devil in human form.
- Guilt: Perhaps you could have done something differently so the relationship didn't end on such a bad note? Maybe you should call him and apologise? (Word of advice: Let it lie!!!)
- Envy: So some other girl does come into contact with him. What does he think he's doing? He's still madly in love with ME right?! In this stage, though you would never take him back, you do not want anyone else to have him. He's supposed to mourn for your relationship for a hundred years or at least until he's gained a few wrinkles.
- Reluctant acceptance: Ok. He's gone. You are aware that there were good things about the relationship but the bad did outweigh the good and that's why you aren't with him anymore. You know that he will have future relationships and that someone might fall in love with him. Due to the bitter taste left you don't particularly see how anyone would be happy with him, but you wish him all the happiness he is capable of achieving after losing you.
So- to my friend (you know who you are)- we both recognise a lot of these feelings and are stronger from coming out on the other side, ready to face the world and put our hearts on the line! Love you xx
