I have to say that recently I have been somewhat baffled by the idea that men (and I have seen this in the lives of those around me) can be so suddenly uncaring after a relationship has ended. It is like love meant nothing to them.
If you read my last blog, I likened YSA to musical chairs. I have kind of rolled with an expanded this theory!
So, everyone has a capacity to love. Some people know how to love deeply, passionately, soulfully. These have a high capacity for love. Then there are those who really just like companionship, prefer not to be alone, and like to be loved. These have a low capacity for love.
Then, everyone has a 'lovableness' rating... which is all really about how much personality they have. How much is there of that person to love?
The ideal would be, I guess, that a guy with a capacity to love (CTL) of 40, would be with a girl who perfectly fills this space- as such, she is 40 lovable. When you see a couple where you think "He/She is too good for Him/Her", what you are probably saying is, "That guy/girl has a way higher lovableness rating to be fully appreciated by that person who has a low capacity to love."
In church, people are so eager to get married that sometimes I think that girls who are 200 lovable, will be with guys with a 50 capacity to love. Maybe the girls should be more confident in their 200, and rely on a 200 CTL guy turning up, who would be able to appreciate every single lovableness point they have. Leave the 50 CTL guys to the girls who are 50 lovable.
This theory also explains why a guy can break up with a totally amazing girl, then date someone less amazing and seem completely happy. Here's the secret: HE IS! He probably only has a 53 capacity to love, and was dating a 456 lovability girl, and is now with a 60 lovability girl. But, as she's over the 53 he can manage anyway, he's going to be perfectly happy! So, let him be happy and you move on and find a guy who can better appreciate the things YOU have to offer!
I realised, during this rather confusing train of thought which lead to the aforementioned theory which I am not explaining very eloquently, that though I do want to be loved and to have someone who loves me and who I can love... I want to make sure that every little piece of me is catered for. If my lovability is 123, I want a guy who will be able to understand and adore each and every part... I think they are few and far between, but I think they're out there. Yes- I could be with a guy who has a lower CTL, but for true freedom and fulfilment, and a love that will burn brightly and last forever, I need the highest CTL I can find... preferably, as I grow and develop and become someone better, his CTL will grow with me...
"Only the deepest love will persuade me into matrimony" (Pride and Prejudice).
For me, I'm looking for the man who will:
-turn up on my doorstep unexpectedly with a picnic basket
-buy me Caesar salads instead of chocolate
-discuss books and Shakespeare with me
-walk around art galleries with me, at least feigning interest!
-be able to express his feelings in writing
-notice the little quirks I have and point them out to me
-have good answers when I ask them why they love me (this is probably the best evidence of their CTL!)
No comments:
Post a Comment
Comments?