I passed 8 out of 11 exams, failing 3. It's not a wonderful result, but it was fairly close to what I expected. I have nothing more to say on the subject.
I went to Paris on Saturday, very early in the morning, for training with Telligo for the summer
camp (and-since the weekend- camps!) that I'm going to be working at. It was ok... a little disorganised, maybe, but fine. I met some really great people there, many of whom I'll be working with during summer.
I attempted to invite some culture into my life by finding French music on my ipod to listen to, but after listening to 'La vie en Rose' I was in the 'La' section of my ipod looking for more french-inspiration and came across Ashlee Simpson's "La La" and then spent the trip listening to Ashlee Simpson, sometimes accompanied by an accordion being played by a busker on the RER for added French-ness. My total lack of culture made me laugh at least!
The language is beautiful also, but it's the pauses that kill me. Instead of a subtle, "errm..." when thinking of what to say next in a sentence they make this rather hideous noise which reminds me a lot of the noise one may expect to hear on a game show if they have just got something wrong. I had a few chances to use the language as French boys are very forward and will stare at you on the street (even the old men do that, for that matter) and then (and this is something English boys would NEVER do) actually approach you to introduce themselves, "Salut!" being the most popular greeting. My response was, of course, "Pardon. Je ne parle pas le Francais." One of the guy's face fell as he said, "Anglais?" and I nodded sadly in response, agreeing with his disappointment. Good times!
Obviously, the highlight of the trip was seeing parts of Paris. The Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame and La Sacre-Coeur. There was a music festival going on on Sunday so that was pretty amazing as there were so many people in Paris.
I rushed back and barely made it onto the flight home. That was pretty scary. But I'm back now so all is well.
This evening Ben took me out to the Snowdome to go toboganning after which we had hot chocolate and then played Pool. It was really nice just to hang out and relax with him. These precious moments are going to be great memories when he's on his mission- a week on Thursday is the last day I'll see him for 2 years. I'm trying not to think about it, but it's tough. He hasn't just been my boyfriend, he's been my best friend for the last 23 months. Every time I want to go somewhere or do something he's the first person I contact. Not only that, but when I have news or I need help with something I go to him.
I'm quite terrified to be so reliant on the post again... spending the day expectantly waiting for a letter... devouring it if it comes, and falling to sleep disappointed if not. I don't know if I'll hold it together. The bottom line is that I need distraction. I need friends. I need fun things happening in life. Summer looks jam-packed, so that's positive.
I'm so excited for him. It'll be awesome. I just hope he's happy and that I am...
I keep trying not to say, "I've done this before", as in sending a missionary out. But I guess I know what to expect, more or less. Plus, I think the way I played it last time was right. It has to be, "what will be, will be" because I can't live my life any other way and a missionary shouldn't have strings attached. Without the strings attached I become free to be a support instead of a burden. But it's difficult. It'll be hard not to say when I miss him. And it'll be difficult to know that 'where we stand' is completely up in the air. We haven't decided we want to be together. We haven't decided that we don't. That's not something we need to know for the time being. That's scary because I'm suddenly alone again. I'm 20 in September and I have no long-term attachments at all, because when Ben becomes a missionary it's sealed, in reality, in a kind of time capsule. It'll be opened if the situation arises when he gets back wherein it's appropriate or desired.
And I know that these things don't always have a happy ending for all parties. It's not easy. Missions change things and change people! I guess the ultimate ending is happy, but there are no guarantees.
I heard someone describe marriage as a mortgage once- it needs to be paid daily. But no one's even put a deposit down on me yet. I'm pretty impatient for that. I'm ready to get married and start settling.
We shall see what happens within the next 2 years... or the next 3 years. Who knows? But I hope I'll be married before I'm 23! x
No comments:
Post a Comment
Comments?