Positive Energy and the Approval of Others

One of my best friends in high school used the catch-phrase “Positive Energy” all the time. I loved it. Throughout my insecure teenage years the idea that even in my small sphere of influence I could change someone’s world for the better (thereby changing the world) got me through and made me stand a little taller. I knew and believed that I could make a difference and impact the world in such a way that it would never be the same again.

Now maybe that’s the dream of a lot of young girls. Maybe the idea that they will make their mark in the world is something many people yearn for. You only have to look at reality TV to see how desperate some people are to get noticed- and not only for their merits. The price of fame is costly. The price of changing the world isn’t.

I have had some tremendous highs already in my 22years (8,216 days…) of living and those highs have always involved other people. I have travelled to America four times in my life and shared treasured memories with both my immediate family and extended family there. I’ve been to Denmark and seen the celebration of a 50^th wedding anniversary there. I’ve performed a duet with my sister in front of 800 people (definitely a better experience for us than them).

When I think of my sweetest experiences I think of quiet moments. I think of conversations I had. I think of the time my friend called me and needed to get away so we escaped to the Lake District for a few days- and when I needed her she equally gave me a much needed escape. I think of seeing the people around me grow and become so much more than they were before- I have lived to see my best friend join the church and get so much joy from doing so.

On top of that, I had the wonder in my life of my (then) boyfriend coming to feel that the gospel was true and being baptised. I remember clearly the moment when I was told what it was that led him to that belief. It touched my heart and is forever going to be one of my fondest memories.

I think of a summer spent in Utah where a relative who was my age decided to jump in the car last minute and come on our road trip with us- we had amazing conversations and we past the summer as best friends. I think of a similar time when my friend came on holiday with us to Northumbria last minute and one particular evening where I shared my problems with him and he came up with the perfect solution.

I think of my experiences of trek in America and the wonder of that night spent out in the open marvelling and counting 3, 4… 5 shooting stars.

I think of being in the temple as a family.

I think of having friends confide in me.

I think of the surety of knowing that someone is thinking about you when they wake up and as they go to sleep.

Sometimes I start to think that the pain we sometimes go through, as we yearn for the approval of others and maybe don’t find it; or as we can’t find a friend in a moment of loneliness; or we trust in someone and they let us down, and I wonder if it is worth it. I wonder if it is worth making all these attachments that we appear to sever. While musing on this I realised something that I had never really allowed myself to think… that if we love someone it is forever. At least, that’s how it works for me. No matter what happens as time goes on, the beautiful moment I shared with a friend never ever changes. The thing spoken was perfectly true when it was spoken. The confidence was sincerely offered. The friendship was exactly what was needed at that time.

Yes, life moves on. The perfect moments are not a continuous present. Yet, in our memories they can endure complete and unsullied by more recent events. When we think of others I think it would help if we all made the decision to think of them as they were in the best time that you ever knew them. That’s the only way we can ever get close to loving people perfectly because it’s the way we can consider them as their best self. I know that I personally could benefit from living in the present but always remembering the wonderful moments that are past; because a friend once is a friend forever if we can only let ourselves have that charity toward them.

I certainly know that my dearest friends are the ones who have the patience to see me this way.
I am so grateful for that and for them.
I hope I can do the same.