Now, don't worry. This blog is not going to be full of feminist ranting and this is not an opportunity to make an unflattering comparison between men and women. I love that men and women are different. I don't want equality to the point of dilution of gender roles. I like my men manly and I like to be womanly.
There have been many times this week where I have been shocked and awed by the contradiction that is in the very nature of women. I have seen so many circumstances in which women have acted in a way that is inspiring, uplifting and unbelievably strong in the face of adversity; and I have seen the absolute opposite. More than just seeing this; I have been these two women.
When chatting about life and catching up on all the comings and goings this week a friend of mine mentioned that she has never seen me get upset about the negative things that have happened. She expressed concern that I was bottling it up. On the way home that day I bawled. I knew at that moment that I would never find someone to love, that I would never be a mother and I would never amount to anything. I let it all out through the tears and afterwards I felt much much better but completely silly for letting myself wallow in self-pity that way.
In Institute this week we looked at the story of Hannah who could not have a child. She prayed and prayed and promised the Lord that if she had a child she would give him up to the Lord's service. She became pregnant and gave birth to Samuel and, true to her promise, she gave Samuel to Eli who was the Priest at the temple to be raised in the service of God. It was amazing to think of the faith of that lady. Through her prayer she qualified herself to bring into the world a spirit that was precious and who would follow God through his life and bring about so much good. Hannah had to wait for some time for the desires of her heart but they were met.
I showed totally insane womanly hormonal weakness this week as I let all those tears pour. Remembering this story reminded me of the quiet faith of a woman who really did know that the Lord loved her. Because of that love and her faith, He never left her alone. He gave her all she asked for but He did it in the right time and when she qualified for those blessings.
I love being a woman and having the natural inclinations I have. I want to nurture, teach and love. I have an overwhelming desire to be able to be a companion to someone and to be able to have a family. I think sometimes we're scared to admit those things because it feels like such a weakness when we don't currently have all of that. We act like we should be ashamed of it. Yes, I want to get an education. Yes, I want to be a doctor. And, yes, I think my truest joy in life will come from my family. I don't think that's exclusive to women but I feel that as a gender we are more profoundly blessed with a nurturing spirit.
Continuing with the story of Hannah's son, Samuel, we read that he was spoken to by the Lord as a young boy. At first Samuel didn't know where the words he heard were coming from and he thought Eli was calling to him. Obediently, he went to Eli and wanted to know why he was being called. Eventually Eli recognised that it was the voice of the Lord speaking to Samuel and he taught Samuel who the voice was and how to respond to receive more of the message. I love the role that Eli took here. I love it because I have realised that we can all play that role. I see it with my Young Women. When we were on camp some of them experienced feelings that they had probably never experienced before. They felt that call from the Lord and didn't necessarily understand those feelings. As leaders we had the incredible opportunity to point out to them what those feelings were and why they felt so good. More than anything, I want to be able to teach that to the people I love, including those Young Women.
When you see the tears in our eyes; perhaps it would be wise instead to focus on the determination on our faces.
The real strength of women lies in our ability to fall to our knees, to acknowledge our weakness and to feel emotions deeply.
It is brave to have a heart as well as a brain.
I am so inspired by the strength of the women I see around me:
The woman who stands up in front of a class of 20+ people at five minutes notice and gives a fantastic lesson.
The woman who serves her community as a lolly-pop lady and just never stops giving.
The young mother doing all she can to carry out her responsibilities while a toddler playfully wreaks havoc. The devoted mother-in-law who has loved and served and continues to do so with never a raised voice.
The educated young woman who has man-trouble but never stops making her friends laugh.
The woman who loses her job and keeps her head held high as she pursues her dreams, refusing to be beaten.
The woman who cares for her elderly relatives.
The woman who is in pain but keeps smiling.
The woman who never gives up on romance.
The woman who writes a little note just to let someone know that she loves them and appreciates them in her life.
The woman who loses her health, her looks or her family and just keeps faith, regardless.
Women are amazing.
We are the mothers of the future and we have the power to make a profound difference in the world. But, we're also fragile. We need each other and we need support. We need love. In that fact lies the biggest contradiction but also the most natural thing.
Women left in the desert have little choice but to become cacti.
But put us in the right soil, with the right attention and the right amount of sun and rain and something will develop that is breath-taking and awe-inspiring. You'll get something that can stand in wind and snow and which will only get more beautiful every day.
The Lord loves His daughters.
He never lets His children walk alone.
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