The F****** Word

Forever.

Let's just take a moment to think about that.

Forever. 

Say it to yourself.

How does it make you feel? 

Petrified? 

Excited? 

Anxious? 

Happy? 

Peaceful? 

Insignificant? 

I've been thinking a lot lately about how we, in our mortal bodies, ever really grasp such transcendent concepts as Infinity, Immortality and, yes, Forever.

There are many people who believe that the simplest answer is the right one: There just is no relationship between the idea of immortality and human beings. It is our very nature that our bodies develop and decay- in hospitals I see all the time the way that bodies can change to no longer work at their optimum.

I got the opportunity to perform a lot of examinations on patients this week and then feed back to the consultant what I had found. In my first feedback I went into a spiel about what had happened to the system I had been asked to examine. She stopped me straight away and reminded me that it wasn't about the system- but first, it was about the person as a whole. I was glad to be reminded of that. A person is not their body. A person is made up of the intellect, personality and soul that is contained in a body that, at the moment, is subject to difficulty, strain and mutation. But that won't be the case forever.

Something deep inside of me tells me that forever is real. Often when people talk about love they use these over-arching words; Forever, always, eternally. Maybe it is just a wistful hope when people use words like that- a hope that something can last- but to me it is so much more than that. It is reality. It is an emotional reaction to a deep-rooted truth.

I love the film "The Notebook". I love it mainly because of Noah (Ryan Gosling). I love him because of his deep, abiding love for Allie. I am afraid of forever because it means placing an awful lot of trust in someone who is, at the end of the day, human.

"Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." 

But, I still believe in love. I believe in honesty and endurance. I want to be like one of those old couples who hold hands as they slowly waddle their way down the street; both supported by sticks in the other hand so together they make some kind of weird 6 legged monster. 

Forever is real. It's scary, and lovely. It's about taking the right company with you. It's about never stopping trying. As long as you both always want to try it won't matter any more that you're not young and attractive; much more meaningful things will develop between you. I'm in an exciting time right now, being young and free to meet wonderful people. Hopefully someday soon(ish) I'll meet someone who will be my best friend through our fun times, busy times and arthritic times. 

Is forever really so scary?