Limbo

I feel weirdly nostalgic at the moment, and I'm not sure why. I suppose looking back- and facebook stalking, a significant amount- has made me think about the fact that I'm growing up now. I only realise it when I see the people around me and how they're growing up and changing. Especially when those I was once close to are so different from me now. We have grown up and changed. And grown apart. All that really remains are those nostalgic memories of times I miss, in places I'd never want to go back to. They were great at the time, hence the nostalgia- but I know it was a time in my life that I wouldn't want back. School. Growing up. I loved it, but it's over- and rightly so.

I am different, I am changed, I am ready. I am ready for a new challenge. I am ready to forge a new path. Maybe it's taken me a while to get there. I am learning. I am growing. I am experiencing some growing pains.

But I can't say that I am lonely, or uncared for. I am so lucky to have a range of wonderful and delightful friends who always seem to be there to cheer me up, and never complain at me when I'm being a total nightmare. I love them for their patience and total unconditional love. I don't see them all that often, with work taking over my life and with a lot of the friends I love being far away, but they are priceless. I can totally rely on them.

Well, I could.

Of course, I don't.

This is me and unfortunately I'm one of those people that doesn't often feel totally secure of a situation- I'm confident and everything, don't get me wrong- but I know things change. I know that friends move on with the tide. I know that relying on people too much is costly. People go in and out of our lives, and we have to appreciate them while they're here... and not demand too much or lean too much on them, because for whatever reason friends do move on. They move geographically, or they're busy with other things. It's never an insult- it's never something you should feel depressed about. It's just how it is. So I tend not to rely on people unless I think they can handle that responsibility. I am high maintenance! I try not to let that effect people who really don't need my extra maintaining!

Don't get me wrong, I am not all take and no give. I like to think that I am a rewarding person to have a relationship with. I like to build people up. I like to leave them happier than I found them. I like to listen. I like to advise. I like to support. I like to amuse. I like to entertain. But equally, I kind of expect a high standard of that back from people. I can't stand judgemental attitudes or indifference or misery. I like to be with positive people. I expect that if I make an effort, they will too. I love people who are usually positive, but will turn to you as a listening ear and pour out their heart. That's real friendship.

I need to sleep, as I'm working tomorrow.

Christmas is so close- one working day and then a day off on Christmas Eve!

Then Christmas day is going to be filled with smiles and gift-giving and phone calls to and from missionaries. I am so terribly nervous but also excited.

"Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming..."